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I let my state of mind contain me
Nov. 28th, 2003 06:23 pmI'm kind of at a loss as to what to do. Drifting in this ocean of indecision, and it would be so easy to pick up the phone and dial. The question is, how many buttons do I press? 32 or 7? And once I get through, how many buttons do I press before I close the door entirely?
And above that... which way do I end up going? I don't think I can walk both paths, and which is the one that will change my life the most if I take it? And do I want to change my life, or do I want to keep it similar to the way it is? Risk of terrible things happening with the possibility of something good as well, or the safety of what I already know?
I know what she would tell me. Accept your hero's journey, find your bliss. But sometimes that's just bullshit. Sometimes you just can't do that, because the world doesn't work that way. It's important to discover yourself more and more, it's important to grow, but it's also important not to live every goddamned second courageously. I disagree with the idea of constantly forging ahead. If you're doing that, then you might as well have blinders on. It's important to stop and sleep, now and again. And even just to sit down on a rock and watch what's going on.
I know what they would all tell me. But this is my decision to make, even if I don't know what to do right now. I told Dale the other day that you can't always know what to do, that a huge part of growing up is being in situations in which you don't know what to do, and eventually figuring out what's next. So I have to do that.
But I wish I could climb a tree at this fork in the road and see what lay ahead on both of them.
And above that... which way do I end up going? I don't think I can walk both paths, and which is the one that will change my life the most if I take it? And do I want to change my life, or do I want to keep it similar to the way it is? Risk of terrible things happening with the possibility of something good as well, or the safety of what I already know?
I know what she would tell me. Accept your hero's journey, find your bliss. But sometimes that's just bullshit. Sometimes you just can't do that, because the world doesn't work that way. It's important to discover yourself more and more, it's important to grow, but it's also important not to live every goddamned second courageously. I disagree with the idea of constantly forging ahead. If you're doing that, then you might as well have blinders on. It's important to stop and sleep, now and again. And even just to sit down on a rock and watch what's going on.
I know what they would all tell me. But this is my decision to make, even if I don't know what to do right now. I told Dale the other day that you can't always know what to do, that a huge part of growing up is being in situations in which you don't know what to do, and eventually figuring out what's next. So I have to do that.
But I wish I could climb a tree at this fork in the road and see what lay ahead on both of them.
