![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Nov. 25th, 2003
I haven't been able to sleep well recently, even with a very serious sleep deprivation. 5.5 hours of sleep Sunday night, and yet I couldn't go to sleep until 4:00 last night, giving me four hours of sleep. I took a nap today, but about half of my allotted hour was spent turning over and over and over again. And I know I'll be up late again tonight. *sighs* Maybe I'll get more sleep over break, but I doubt it.
In the list of current unpleasantries, my roommate drinking with her loudly Korean-babbling friend and eating smelly smelly beef jerky that stinks up the room is highest on the list. I really dislike people drinking in my room. I don't care if I'm out and people are drinking around me, and I don't care if people go to parties- that's their own decision. But when it's in MY haven, MY room, the only place I have to relax...
and I HATE the smell of beef jerky. Honestly. She opens the bag and it fills the room in a matter of seconds. Fucking nasty shit.
----
I don't know what to think, really. I don't know what to make of things, and I don't know what to do. I do know, at least, that nothing will be certain until... God, probably my birthday. Hear that, world? I expect things to be hammered out by my 19th birthday. At least for the time being.
19... christ, it just hit me that this is going to be my last year as a teenager. And it begins in just about two and a half months.
I remember when two and a half months was all we had left. That was in the beginning of June, and I was terrified of going to Alaska for two weeks because I'd never spent that much time away from you. And I did, and I was so lonely for you it was like physical pain at night as I curled around my chest in my sleeping bag and tried to imagine your arms around me. And I came home and we spent almost the entire night together.
And things lasted two and a half months longer than we originally thought, and at least a month and a half of that was idyllic, even though most of it was spent apart. How differently I was able to handle that distance than that of Alaska. Then again, we had contact.
So much can change in that amount of time; I wonder where I will be, emotionally, and mentally, on February 12, 2004? Somewhere else, I hope.
Anywhere else.
In the list of current unpleasantries, my roommate drinking with her loudly Korean-babbling friend and eating smelly smelly beef jerky that stinks up the room is highest on the list. I really dislike people drinking in my room. I don't care if I'm out and people are drinking around me, and I don't care if people go to parties- that's their own decision. But when it's in MY haven, MY room, the only place I have to relax...
and I HATE the smell of beef jerky. Honestly. She opens the bag and it fills the room in a matter of seconds. Fucking nasty shit.
----
I don't know what to think, really. I don't know what to make of things, and I don't know what to do. I do know, at least, that nothing will be certain until... God, probably my birthday. Hear that, world? I expect things to be hammered out by my 19th birthday. At least for the time being.
19... christ, it just hit me that this is going to be my last year as a teenager. And it begins in just about two and a half months.
I remember when two and a half months was all we had left. That was in the beginning of June, and I was terrified of going to Alaska for two weeks because I'd never spent that much time away from you. And I did, and I was so lonely for you it was like physical pain at night as I curled around my chest in my sleeping bag and tried to imagine your arms around me. And I came home and we spent almost the entire night together.
And things lasted two and a half months longer than we originally thought, and at least a month and a half of that was idyllic, even though most of it was spent apart. How differently I was able to handle that distance than that of Alaska. Then again, we had contact.
So much can change in that amount of time; I wonder where I will be, emotionally, and mentally, on February 12, 2004? Somewhere else, I hope.
Anywhere else.