I know you want me, but you can't have me

I feel like watching an acutely emotionally painful tragedy... y'know, where the lovers are almost together but then they die, or when the miners almost make it out of the mine, but it collapses and they all die. Or when the schizophrenic boy decides to kill himself instead of living the same loop over and over again. Or when the people almost make it, but they don't, and something horrible happens instead. I feel morose, and I want to watch someone else be tortured. I want to watch the world end in someone else's world. I want to write something beautiful. I want to walk for a long, long time, not going anywhere, just getting out and nowhere. Things without a point. Because I want to be pointless and directionless and I want to obliviate tonight. I would go to a party to be anonymous, but I don't do those so well. I just want to be the crowd, no one special, just another face. I want to go walking, until I can't anymore, and see how far I get.

Well, Adam just called and disturbed my angsting, so now I'm not quite as angsty anymore. But I still don't really feel like searching people out. I want people to fucking search ME out. Goddamn it.

*sighs* I hate being unable to walk down the street in this fucking culture. I want to go to American Splendor.