(no subject)
Nov. 9th, 2003 10:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kudzuvinesI'm so fucking cold, I just can't get warm. I don't know what I want, I don't know what to do, I just can't initiate a conversation about what's going on right now. I'm so bad at hurting people and I'm desperate to avoid a snafu here because... well, that would just be the end of things, wouldn't it? If I had to deal with extreme awkwardness here, then... I think I'd leave the Cities and go somewhere else, somewhere far away where I didn't know anyone and I could hide in the woods or the mountains or the desert or something.
Oh, escapism, you're my best friend.
But you know, there's nowhere to hide on a college campus. There's nowhere I can really go to be completely unaccessible that's warm and cozy. No, I take that back. There is, but it's not my room. I want my room to be nice and alone. And I'm tired of always DEALING WITH THINGS!!! I want the days to be SIMPLE right now! I just want things to be quiet for a FEW MORE DAYS. Can't anyone give me simplicity? Is it that fucking difficult? I'm so tired of thinking about how I should interact and what I should say to S. and what I should say or not say to A. and what I should and should not do and everyone's having a bad weekend and GOD DAMN IT!
I won't get drunk, because that's not a good way to deal with stuff and I don't believe in getting drunk, but god damn, I just want to stop thinking.
Someone get me out of this hell-hole mind.
Oh, escapism, you're my best friend.
But you know, there's nowhere to hide on a college campus. There's nowhere I can really go to be completely unaccessible that's warm and cozy. No, I take that back. There is, but it's not my room. I want my room to be nice and alone. And I'm tired of always DEALING WITH THINGS!!! I want the days to be SIMPLE right now! I just want things to be quiet for a FEW MORE DAYS. Can't anyone give me simplicity? Is it that fucking difficult? I'm so tired of thinking about how I should interact and what I should say to S. and what I should say or not say to A. and what I should and should not do and everyone's having a bad weekend and GOD DAMN IT!
I won't get drunk, because that's not a good way to deal with stuff and I don't believe in getting drunk, but god damn, I just want to stop thinking.
Someone get me out of this hell-hole mind.
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no subject
Date: 2003-11-09 09:53 pm (UTC)Pick up a nice heroin habit. All you'll have to worry about is where to make your next score, and you'll be quite out of your mind. Sorry if that sounds acerbic.
I'm glad you're not getting drunk so as not to need to think. Have you talked to student housing about the possibilities of a single dorm? Do they have them where you are? Have you thought about telling your roomate you're having a rough time of it, and could she please fuck off for a few hours every day for awhile? Just ideas to spin at you.
I'm sorry things suck. [hug].
~Dancing[for your mollification]